It’s so nice how you are and how nice it is to be around you and I think you’re amazing. You make this one face that I love so much. Is it this one no not that one. Less scrunched up. Is it this one no it is not that one either. Is it this one no it isn’t that one I have never even seen you make that face before you literally just made that face up right now wait it is that one it is the one you just made that is the face. That wasn’t a face that was just me smiling and laughing. Well that was the face. You smiling is the face and you laughing is the face and that is the face that I love.
Remember how I told you that you kissed weird and you started feeding me little kisses like a bird. We stayed up all night and into the morning and the birds outside started singing. We laughed and we were like two birds singing and we laughed in birdsong. It was right here under the blanket. A twisted bird and a beautiful nest. You smell like patchouli and you taste like honey. You’re really just so amazing. It maddens me and I throb.
If you moved to Europe I would follow you baby. We could go to Rome baby yes we could go to Paris. You’re making a fist baby yes baby you shake your fist baby yes you writhe baby yes you writhe when you laugh. You shake your fists when you laugh baby yes you writhe when you laugh you open up your fist baby yes and you release the air from your palm. We could take a train anywhere by myself too yes by myself too. On my own just on my own yes. On a train on my own yes it would be fine yes it is fine yes it would be fine on my own. Don’t leave yet yes don’t leave yet. I won’t leave yes I won’t leave yet. The air from your palm is still the air in my nose. I won’t leave yet baby no not yet.
But I could be fine alone yes I would be fine. I could take a train baby I could go to Rome. I could move to Paris yes I could go to Rome. I could move just all alone. The streets on my own and the noise on my own and all of the noise on the streets. I would be fine on my own all alone yes all alone. I’m fine on my own yes I’m fine when I’m alone. But would you move to Rome with me baby I’m fine yes on my own yes all alone yes but I’m right here and you’re right here under the blanket and we could go to Rome. It’s cold yes the window is open and the sun is warm and the air is the color of roses. Your small wrist yes. We could go to Rome.
Do you remember that time that I said name me some things that are like it but not it and you said like roses and I said that doesn’t count and you said like tulips and I said no that is not what I mean. Yes of course I remember but do you remember what we said do you remember what was like it but not it. I said a dancing flame and you said a crystal cavern no I said a warm cavern. Yes a warm cavern and then you said a singing stove and I said a split sky. Yes and I said a crusty ground and you said a curling toe. I said fresh hot milk and you said drool stain. Yes and I said birth mark and I said middle c. I said palmed clay and I said a peach in June I said cloud eyes I said salty taste I said frog croaks I said scraped knee I said dog whimpers I said spring snow I said bottom lip I said winter snow I said ripped sock I said damp thread I said a near miss I said half a slice I said same coin I said shaved ice I said pushed buttons I said hard breath I said roses and I said roses don’t count. I said hard breath again I said drum roll I said silence and I said silence and I said silence and silence and silence and silence.
I need to see you soon yes I want to need to see you. May I see you soon. May I May II May III yes yes you may. Can I Can II Can III yes I already said that you can. It will be a warm spring day when I see you yes a warm spring day and we will sit in my truck and we will sit on my couch and we will sit on my bed yes we will lie on my bed and the lilac fog will come through the window. If you get hungry yes when we get hungry we will make soup and eat the soup in the grass and on the cotton and my blanket is made of cotton. Blankets in the bed and blankets on the grass. Cotton poplin. Yes baby you will probably see me soon baby yes baby you may see me as soon as you can.
But your train could be canceled yes your bus could be full. You could change your mind yes your family might be in town that day. There may be a death in the family. You could fall in love yes you could fall down you could fall in love with someone else yes head over heels. You may be in love right now and you may just be putting off telling me. You could fall out of love yes I could be a chore yes I could be a chore. I can be a bore it may be that I’m a bore. You just may not feel like it yes you just don’t feel like it. I’ll be waiting yes I’ve been waiting. I’ll wait. I’m right here.
Did you know your neck sticks out like a crane when you sleep. Yes the back of your hand rests on your forehead and it just lies there yes and lilacs bloom when you wake up yes hawthorns bloom when you wake up yes daffodils bloom yes daisies bloom yes every flower yes in every state yes every flower in every state and yes every county yes every city yes every town yes every village yes all around the world yes they bloom yes they bloom yes they bloom for us yes we bloom yes we bloom yes we bloom and we bloom together.
The details yeah the details. To live life next to you to live life laterally yeah what’s the problem just lie down. You can’t cook no and I can’t cook either yes you aren’t very clean no and I’m not very clean either yes we’re a bit dirty yes we’ll live in squalor yes and we’ll live in squalor together. A sort of scrappy love and a sort of scrappy attitude. The scrappy first bloom of the season and we build years from days. Fireflies yeah lightning bugs yeah and at the night the light through the windows makes the windows on the grass. But what about the details yeah what about them. Fresh oil on loose stone. We slip yes we slide together. I just think you’re amazing yeah you’re amazing too. Make it mean something. Just make it mean something. Make it mean something for me yeah it means something. It means something yeah but why not now.
It will be fine yes it will be fine. Don’t leave yet yes not yet yes not yet. I won’t leave yet not yet yes not yet will you stay a while yes will you stay a while. It was fine. It is fine. It was better than I could have imagined. There’s a whole mountain to climb before we can even think of that valley. We’re so young. There is plenty of time yeah there is so much time. We’re so young. But why not now. You sound just like me yeah that’s just going to keep happening. You turning into me and me turning into you yes that’ll just keep happening. We’ll turn until we hit the dirt nap. Until the ravens circle us yes until the crows crow. Yes. But why not now?
Recommended Reading:
The Book of All Loves-Agustin Fernandez Mallo
Wartime Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke
Amores-Ovid
Malina-Ingeborg Bachmann
The Champ is Here-Nathan Dragon
