When you have to sell your prized possessions so that you can afford groceries.
When your father thinks you’re playing a victim.
When you know it’s a collection agent calling.
When you can hear disappointment in your mother’s voice.
When your best friends get divorced.
When your idols die.
When you get invited to your first girlfriend’s wedding and her husband turns out to be a really good guy.
When you find out that most of the women you know and love have been at some point sexually assaulted.
When you begin to accept passing contempt as subtle affection.
When you’ve got only a handful of moments left with your three legged, 13 year old Blue Heeler.
When you lose love because you were too chicken to pick up the God damn phone.
When you know you could be friends with your neighbor if only they didn’t hate you for being a privileged little white boy.
When you spend your 327th night of the year all alone.
When you allow yourself to comprehend the extermination of six million people.
When you have no family within 3,000 miles of you.
When you don’t know a thing about your grandparents because they all died young.
When you realize she ain’t Mary Hatch and you’re no George Bailey.
When you’re homeless, yet the bank doesn’t understand that you have no mailing address.
When your girlfriend’s mother loves you more than she does.
When your favorite album from high school simply doesn’t move you anymore.
When you realize that college money came from the Department of Defense.
When your mentor dies without knowing how much you absolutely adored them.
When you tell a girl who you know doesn’t love you how much you want her.
When you realize how drastically your metabolism has slowed.
When your buddy’s wife lays herself down on the train tracks.
When you fuck up the last 24 hours of your honeymoon, like a shitty ending of a great novel.
When you hold your breath, cross your fingers, and wait for the card to be declined.
When you starve yourself through fear he’ll leave you, and then he does.
When they tell you your life’s work just seems snobby and pretentious.
When you ignore the letters for so long they stop coming all together.
When you want her so much you end up nervously sneezing every time you touch her.
When you’ve read all the words your favorite writer ever wrote, there aren’t any left.
When you can’t forgive her for letting herself die.
When you can’t escape the theft of your own soul by money, money, money.
When you fear you may die without her by your side.
When you realize he’d still have use of his legs if you hadn’t wanted to sleep with his girlfriend.
When you know she’ll never love you as much as she did on that beach.
When you lock yourself into the tiny bathroom with a scruffy little dog and pray for your heart to slow down.
When you watch your best friend bury his only little brother.
When you have to admit that you’ll never be as good a husband and father as you always hoped you would be.
When you owe everyone more money than you’ll ever make.
When you have to steal and lie and cheat so often that your conscience is no longer compromised.
When you pass the house your grandfather built and it’s full of careless strangers.
When you realize that depression is actually the most effective weight loss program you could ever try.
When you wake up each morning terrified she won’t beat the cancer, but at least you get to fall asleep beside her each night.
When you become the sole champion and executor of your true love’s artistic legacy.
When you discover that the light inside of you was in fact being dimmed bit by bit, everyday, until you escaped.
When you leave him, move on, rebuild, forgive, and he still finds a way to put bruises on your body.
When you accept that you are the most selfish person in your family.
When you understand that nothing you ever try will fix that dark broken space inside of her, or inside yourself for that matter.
